Essence.

I have mentioned before that writing is a cathartic process for me. What started out as a hobby and a method of therapy has developed into something which I would like to do for the rest of my life. Lately, I have undergone a process of personal evaluation: met with a crossroads, the time has come for me to pick a direction. However, being a reflective thinker has meant that the decision making process has been drawn out, involving extensive list making, seminars, thinking, crossing things out, re-thinking things, exploring my curiosity and errr, more thinking. A lot of thinking, perhaps too much! Not only has this process brought about internal turmoil, indecision, and eventual transformation, but it has also brought an effective solution.

After proceeding with caution, it has become clear to me that taking that feared leap need not be so….restricting, or even complicated a process. How did this clarity emerge?

By revisiting to my teenage self.

Although not that long ago, looking back has revealed to me the internal change which has taken place over the past 4 years. It all started by flipping through an old, neatly kept A3 sketchbook. Filled with collages, design sketches, doodles and mood boards, it represented who I was at that point, and who I still feel am. It is a pure expression of creativity, of a time when ambition was a mere thought, a hope. Essentially, I am – and love being – creative.

Now, that ambition is very much at the fore of what I do; it is something which I cannot afford to not keep thinking about, but I must action it.

In working towards making that happen, however, I’ve been guilty of drifting away from what inspired it. New aspects of life become prioritised; characteristics of the ‘real world’ come to the fore, and shake you out of your younger, imaginative self. I am enjoying witnessing and experiences the changes that this time in my life bring – although sometimes anxious, I remain excited on the whole. However, keeping in touch with my essence, what I enjoy, what inspires me, and what aligns with my purpose in life – even knowing what that is, is just as important as blooming into a young adult and shouldering the responsibilities that it entails.

Creativity is a pervasive element of who I am, and what I do everyday. Even something as simple as cooking, I realise that when I am doing it, I am at my most engaged yet relaxed point. I am not thinking about anything else but that which I’m creating in that single moment. Although Anthropology is not a classically ‘creative’ discipline, it is a deeply explorative subject which has allowed me to combine my creative and academic interests. Not to mention that it involves a lot of writing.

My hope is that I remain able to stay in touch with that essential part of my identity.